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Assertiveness
Posted by Chris on 10/07/2009
People often ask me how they can tell the difference between “Assertiveness” and “Aggressiveness”. 1. You need to be assertive
2. You must not be aggressive
So, you should know the difference. Assertiveness
Assertiveness is a form of communication that is rational, based on a logical interpretation of the facts and implies a willingness to negotiate.
Aggressiveness
Aggressiveness is a form of communication that is emotionalised, based on the reactions to facts and implies NO willingness to negotiate.
“Assertiveness” and “aggressiveness” are both forms of COMMUNICATION
Communication has three channels:
1. Language /vocabulary
2. body language
3. voice tonality
Each of these three aspects may be
• Aggressive - Emotional
• Assertive - Rational
Let us look at each category in turn.
Let us see how to manage each aspect:
One: Language /vocabulary Aggressive Language
Aggressive language is characterised by five components:
1. Personal attacks - “You fool!”
2. Talk of "how one feels"- “ I am REALLY angry at you “
3. Threats- “Do that again and you will regret it!”
4. Abusive- “You bastard”
5. Blame- “It is all your fault”
Assertive language is characterised by four components:
1. Factual comments without abuse – “You are twenty minutes late! ”
2. Refraining from talking about how one feels- stick to the objective facts
3. Suggesting a practical solution to problem under discussion- “Next time call me if you are going to be late.”
4. Talking about the future, not blame- “Will you do that in future?”
Two Body language
Body language represents most of the emotional component of communication.
For our purposes, body language breaks down into elements:
1. Gestures
2. Eye contact
3. Posture
Aggressive Gestures
Aggressive gestures you must avoid are:
1. Pointing with a finger
2. Pointing with a pen
3. Any gestures with a fist
4. Both arms folded tightly across the chest
5. Leaning towards the speaker
6. Banging tables, desks or doors
Assertive gestures
Gestures that you can use to emphasis your message
1. Open handed gestures
2. Counting off points on your fingers- “I need you to do this, then this, and this. OKAY?”
3. Indicating with a thumbs up gesture
Eye contact
Aggressive eye contact
1. Glaring into the eyes of the speaker
2. Not breaking off eye contact
Assertive eye contact 1. Reflecting back the equivalent quality of the eye contact that you receive
2. Reflecting back the equivalent intensity of the eye contact that you receive Three: Body Posture Aggressive body posture 1. Standing “square-on” to the other 2. Close proximity Assertive body posture 1. Standing at 45 degrees to the other 2. Not too close proximity- don’t crowd him. Three: Voice tonality Your voice quality will "set the tone" of the discussion. Aggressive Volume
1. Shouting
2. Too much volume Assertive Volume
1. Louder than normal volume
2. not too much Aggressive Pitch
1. High pitch
2. Shrill
3. "Up tight" Assertive Pitch
1. Low pitch
2. Deeper tones
3. Relaxed tension
Aggressive rate of speech
1. Fast and furious
2. Says too much
3. Goes on for too long Assertive rate of speech
1. Slower more measured
2. Clear and distinct
3. Brief
Summary
You should know the difference between
• Assertiveness
• Aggressiveness
You need to be assertive.
You must not be aggressive. Assertive Language is based on factual comments without abuse Assertive Body language is based on
1. Open handed gestures
2. Reflecting the amount and intensity of the eye contact
3. Not too close proximity
Assertive Voice tonality is clear and distinct
Assertiveness is a form of communication that is rational, based on facts and a logical interpretation of them and implies a willingness to negotiate.
Learn to do the right things and you will get the best results! Visit the Corporate Coach Group website for more information about our Leadership and Management Training courses
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